DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had been collectively for 11 years, six of which we had been married. I’ve been hooked on alcohol for the previous few years which has led to dishonest. He by no means drank, so it was laborious for him to grasp my habit downside. After I bought a DUI he lastly left me.
Two weeks later he already had one other relationship! A 12 months later we divorced. I’ve spent the final 14 months altering my life. I used to be sober all this time, attending AA conferences and seeing a therapist in addition to an addictions therapist. I have been devastated since my husband left. I’ve misplaced 20 kilos that I should not have misplaced, and I solely depart house to work. I have not even thought of seeing or speaking to a different man.
My ex has saved telling me that he desires to attempt to work issues out with me, which is one thing I need greater than something. I do know I harm him and he isn’t the identical individual anymore. I wish to present him that I am totally different and we may be completely satisfied, however he will not totally decide to something and simply retains hurting me. Ought to I proceed to pursue this or attempt to discover a strategy to transfer ahead? — NOW SOBER IN VIRGINIA
DEAR NOW SOBER: In case your sobriety is essential to you, you’ll be able to’t maintain on to somebody who “retains hurting you.” (I want you had talked about how he does this, however on the finish of the day you must do what’s good for you.) Did the way in which he handled you – or your notion of it – have something to do together with your ingesting and dishonest?
You stated he was saying he needed to clear issues up. His nervousness could stem from the ache he has felt due to what you’ve gotten put him by. If you happen to resolve to rekindle your relationship, accomplish that solely below sure circumstances: he should finish the connection with the individual he’s in a relationship with, if they’re nonetheless collectively, attend Al-Anon conferences so he can be taught extra concerning the illness of alcoholism and to attend contact counseling classes with you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 64-year-old homosexual man from the Deep South residing in a serious metropolitan space. I’ve been right here for over 30 years. My downside is that I am unable to hold my cool once I discuss to my aged dad and mom. I’ve insisted a number of instances that I don’t want to focus on politics, however my request is ignored by my mom, particularly as a result of she refuses to acknowledge my sexual orientation. She praises essentially the most anti-gay politicians with out respecting my emotions. When I attempt to gently change the topic, most instances she will not let it go.
It is gotten to the purpose the place I do not wish to discuss to both of my dad and mom anymore. The sick issues they stated break my coronary heart. Ought to I observe my instincts and reduce them off, or hold quiet and endure the ache? I do know they will not change. — WOUNDED HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR HURT HEART: Silence helps nobody. As you’ll be able to see, this solely results in extra of the identical. Inform them the hurtful issues they stated are heartbreaking. You’ve got already made it clear to your mom that you do not wish to focus on politics. This time, inform them that if they create it up once more, that would be the finish of the dialog and you’ll dangle up. In the event that they ignore you and do it once more, transfer on.
Pricey Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
