DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 27 years with two youngsters. My spouse lately revealed to me that she was raped when she was 14, however she mentioned it wasn’t violence. She additionally mentioned that she had a number of grownup companions when she was 15 and 16. We had mentioned our previous earlier than marriage and this stuff weren’t talked about. In the event that they have been, I would not have married her.
It is arduous for me to even take a look at her now. I really feel like telling her I desire a divorce, however I am searching for a second opinion on what to do. Am I ridiculous for wanting a divorce due to issues that occurred 35 years in the past? –– THROWN IN MISSOURI
DEAR THROWN: Consent legal guidelines will be complicated and might change over time, and rather a lot can depend upon the age of every associate. Nonetheless, rape is rape. When your spouse was 15 and 16 grownup he may additionally have damaged the legislation by having intercourse together with her, even consensually. In spite of everything this, she might have benefited from counseling (if it was provided).
Your spouse might not have mentioned this earlier than as a result of she was afraid that your response could be as excessive because it has been to this point. Earlier than you determine to divorce her as a result of she was victimized as a teen, I counsel you to seek the advice of a licensed therapist by yourself or together with her. Doing so provides you with a greater perspective.
DEAR ABBY: My first actual grownup love was a girl named “Sasha”. We had a whirlwind romance within the mid-80s. On the time I believed she was The One. The romance ended when she instructed me she was married. The final time I noticed her was together with her husband in a nightclub within the Eighties.
I moved on and married another person in 1990. Nonetheless, I take into consideration Sasha generally. I do not bear in mind her final title so I can not discover her. My spouse thinks it is loopy that I wish to discuss to Sasha. I wish to ask her if our relationship is actual and if she beloved me. Once I was touring within the space the place I met Sasha, I regarded round for individuals to see if I’d run into her. Do you assume I am loopy for desirous to have only one dialog with Sasha? –– BITTER SWEET IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BITTER: 40 years have handed since your stormy romance with Sasha. What was a whirlwind romance for you might have been a love affair for her. She ought to have instructed you from the start that she was married, however she did not, which makes me assume she did not love you. Individuals who love one another attempt to defend themselves. Which brings me to your query. No, I do not assume you are loopy, however I feel it is time to cease attempting to revisit the previous.
TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sunset. Throughout this 24-hour interval, observant Jews quick, interact in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that will have been dedicated in the course of the earlier Jewish yr. To all of you who observe – make your put up significant. –– LOVE, ABBY
Expensive Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
